Being an Everyday Advocate
I was recently on a flight, sitting next to an amazing woman. Over the 4-hour flight, we got to talking about where we're from, where we’re going and what we do. She’s a wonderful executive working in the alternative energy space, something that she has a tremendous amount of experience in that has enabled her to rise to the #2 position in the company. As I talked about what I do and the support and advancement of women leaders, she was compelled to share a story.
She was preparing for a meeting with a company that was hoping to partner with the organization where she works. As members of the meeting were gathering, an executive from the visiting company tossed her a stack of papers and asked if she could make copies for the group. Now, realize that she’s the most senior executive at this meeting and the only woman. She went on to share with me how this made her feel. Belittled and insignificant were a couple of emotions that came to mind. But, what I love about this story is how she handled this moment. She promptly tossed the stack of papers back at him and directed him to the copy machine around the corner. And that was that. I love it.
Microaggressions
As I talk about these microaggressions, it doesn’t take long for you to recognize when this has happened to you. They are incredibly common and can be incredibly disrespectful but yet so often we don’t stand up for ourselves. These are those moments when we know something inappropriate was said or done, and still, we do nothing. It’s in these moments, our sense of belonging and worse our sense of value, becomes deluded. It’s happened to all of us.
Those moments can be intimidating, humiliating, isolating, leaving us feeling dumb, dismissed or useless. We carry the stress that we don’t belong.
Don’t stay silent
Why do we stay silent? There are so many reasons. But, for me, it’s been that these moments happen quickly and I don’t want to make a big deal out of something. I don’t want to make it worse. And yet, these moments that I just let pass and didn’t say anything, are the moments that I remember vividly today. More often than not, the person doesn’t realize the impact they are having. And that’s the exact reason why we all need to become our own advocates.
These moments don’t need to be made into monumental situations, but awareness needs to be created and you are the one to start creating it. So what do we do? As I mentioned, these moments happen quickly, so we need to be prepared.
You have a responsibility to take action. You may not be able to solve the problem, but you can bring awareness. But what do we do?
Say Something
Sounds easy, but what do we say? I like the recommendations that Kim Scott has in her book ‘Just Work’. The ‘I’ statement or the ‘it’ statement and I also want to add the ‘that’ statement.
The ‘I’ statement is the opportunity to share what you just saw and how you perceived it. Something as simple as: “I don’t think that comment landed as intended or I think that comment doesn’t belong here.”
The ‘it’ and ’that’ statements are about the awkward thing. It’s a little less about you…you just take out the I: “That comment didn’t land as intended or that comment that doesn’t belong here.”
These comments don’t need to lead to a huge argument about right and wrong, just a simple observation to bring awareness. You can then leave it there on the table, and that is huge. You are creating awareness, you are your advocate. Just like the wonderful woman directing others to the copy machine. Change needs to start somewhere and YOU can start it. I believe in you.